Hello hedgehog here I thought I would start with a bit about me....
I have never really been a sporty child. In school track and field was my weakest of all PE lessons. I hated it, if I knew we had it on the timetable I would do all I could to get out of it. That time of the month, I felt sick, forgot my PE kit... You name it, I have done/said it. I can remember I enjoyed hockey, I particularly liked being goalie, for no other reason than I think I looked badass in the kit!
Time went on I left school, started college got a job etc.. Adulting had begun. The most exercise I did during this time was on a Saturday night in the local nightclub dancing the night away! I was living my best life.
I have not always been a "fat bird". I look back over my early younger years and early Adulting years and realise now that I actually had a decant figure ( couldn't see it then but should have been happy with how I looked). But life happens and things evolve you meet someone get married, have kids, get comfy annnnnnd put on weight. It isn't a case of Boom 1 stone heavier, no... It creeps up on you, until one day you put your pants on realise (OMG😱) my belly overhangs my pants. You take them off and double check the label thinking in your head I must surely have my daughters on by mistake.... But no. They are indeed yours and your arse is like the grinch's heart and has grown 2 sizes bigger! You go through the 4 stages of "oh my god I have got fat"
Stage 1) denial- you check the label on the pants and then because you don't trust your eyes you try on 3 more pairs
Stage 2) disbelief- you stand there and can't quite understand how this could have happened. Sure you had 4 mince pies earlier but blimey..
Stage 3) Despair- you can't understand how this could have happened. You run around like a crazed maniac trying to find the scale, screaming at the dog that he must have moved it because you can't find it (mental).. Eventually scales are found... You get on and almost feint when you see the numbers appear on the screen.. <BLEEP> <BLEEP> YOU ABSOLUTE <BLEEP BLEEP >. Then you have an epiphany.. Maybe you need a poo! That's it you need a poo...Go for a poop and it will sort it all out. So you go to the loo, then back on the scales and.... 1/2 a pound are you taking the utter <BLEEP>.
Stage 4) Acceptance- after you have finished crying and looking like an extra from Blair witch project (yes the snot scene) you pull your big(ger) girl pants up and think right that's it, things have to change.. I am gonna start exercising. You speak to a friend and they tell you about the c25k app that gets you running.. Yea right you think, but you download it and think I will give it a go.
3 times I started and stopped c25k. Something always came up and I ended up not seeing it through. The one day I had to go to the Dr for a blemish I found on my breast, he absolutely terrified me by sending me to a breast clinic. That Dr's trip changed my life that day. I became a total health anxiety nut job. My depression became awfull and I was convinced that something was wrong with me. Even after going to the clinic and being given the all clear I was convinced they were wrong and I was dying. I was eventually put on medication, I hated it. I felt like such a failure, as a mother and a human being. But eventually grew stronger mentally and realised that hey you know what, I am a strong woman and asking for help. And taking medication is not weak. Its OK to not be OK.
I can remember sitting down in April and putting the TV on and the virgin London, marathon was on. I felt so emotional watching people and reading the tops as to why and what they were running for. I was truly inspired for these amazing people, I got caught up in marathon fever and as soon as the ballot opened I applied. I then went about my business as I joined a running group online and they were all saying it is very unlikely to get in on the ballot. Imagine my surprise when a "congratulations" magazine fell through my letterbox!
Getting into the marathon was the kick up the bottom needed. I started c25k again, and this time I graduated. I was so proud of myself. I went from not being able to run for a bus to being able to (slowly) jog 3 miles!! I went from 150mg of sertraline to being taken off it! Running was great and I loved it (never thought I would ever say that).
I had a scan done as my tummy and back were sore and I was told I had gallstones. I was gutted as the Dr said it would definitely be an operation and I would have to defer London as it would be happening in April (balls and shit) I was livid. I had my operation the day before the marathon and watched it on TV from my bed crying, I wished I was there! I became down again and my running teetered off. My husband (a Saint I hear you say... Yes he is!!) gave me a good talking to and I came across an amazing group of people online who motivated me and have quickly become my online running friends! With their words and help I have started to really believe I can do this. I am currently at 5.5 miles and following a great plan. Next stop is getting my eating better (damn you christmas and amazing puff pastry mince pies).
I got this!! I am not the fastest or the prettiest jogger, but I am one determined hedgehog (#hedgehogforlife) and with my amazing hubby, kids and great friends behind me, I can achieve anything.
Hedgehog signing off xxx
